4 years,we have not met.

I met John yesterday.
(I wish I have a more creative way to open this entry but with John, my vocabulary and language flow become so limited and I decided not to over do it before it backlashes.)
I last seen John when I was 21 years old and it still amazes me how did the time fly by just like that?


"Hello Chuan Ling. Free for dnr tmr?"

That tomorrow was referring to Wednesday. I was pleased by surprise to see that message. Honestly I didn't think John meant it when he said we could meet sometime. While I never doubt John(No, never can doubt a person like him.), I kinda brushed that off as a mere greeting/gesture.
Sure I would love to meet John again but I am hardly one that would initiate a meeting with...a guy. Hahaha.-shy-

Unfortunately I was supposed to have a dinner with Irene & Von that Wednesday, (Though it never happen too and we were all stuck in office working OT.) so I thought Friday would be nice.
I do not know why and how but I actually initiated a movie session instead of dinner. I only remembered John mentioned he wanted to watch Red Cliff 2 too and so it happened that way.

Usually I would feel a little 'apprehensive' meeting someone that has been missing in my daily life, for years in that matter of fact.
Would we have things to talk about, long enough? Would there be awkward pauses? Would there be time that he wishes he would rather do something else than stuck trying to be talk to me?

Other than all those apprehensiveness, I felt faint from excitement anxiousness (Maybe) the whole day.
I felt as if it was back to the first time I talk to John and butterflies in my stomach,flew in confusion the whole day long.
To be honest, I was dead worried that I will make a fool outta myself, I suffer from sudden slurred speech, I miss my step and trip or worse, fall! A hundred and ten possible 'calamities' await and I became restless.

I remembered a part of our last conversation during the first meet up.
I couldn't remember what was John's exact words but he said something like 'Before Americans have rockets to reach the moon, what do they have?'
I swore that I would have know the answer! I was pretty sure I had seen that phrase before but all I did was blinking ignorance to John.
When he said with enthusiasm, "They have a dream." and went on, a part of me felt like slamming my face down the teppanyaki hot plate in front of me.
I felt very ignorant and small suddenly.

The working day went by half easily and not. I was extra cautious with myself when I trotted off to meet him.
But it was really all easy and all natural seeing John again. It hardly feels like it has been 3 - 4 years since we met.

Red Cliff 2 was good. I especially like the way Chao Cao delivered his poem - 短歌行.

对酒当歌，人生几何？
譬如朝露，去日苦多。
慨当以慷，忧思难忘.
何以解忧？唯有杜康。
青青子衿，悠悠我心。
但为君故，沈吟至今。
呦呦鹿鸣，食野之苹。
我有嘉宾，鼓瑟吹笙。
明明如月，何时可掇？
忧从中来，不可断绝。
越陌度阡，枉用相存。
契阔谈宴，心念旧恩。
月明星稀，乌鹊南飞，
绕树三匝，何枝可依？
山不厌高，海不厌深。
周公吐哺，天下归心。
(I think this is part of it only)

I was somewhat surprised to see John watching Chinese movies. He is very 'English' to me.
But too it is nice to observe how easily John is into the movie. He was lightly nodding his head along some parts, gave that "What for?Stupid!" hand gesture when the rash Zhang Fei rushed out only to meet the arrows and how he shook his head disapprovingly when Liu Bei backed out the alliance.
It is like seeing some other parts of John altogether.=)

We continued to hang out a little longer, replacing caffeine for smoothies @ Spinelli.
All those doubts, apprehensiveness etc are all stupid! It is ever so easy to talk to him, to carry a decent yet very 'connecting' conversation.
I am kinda surprised that I couldn't seem to hide who I am in front of him.

Ok to be fair, I never hide who I really am. I don't live pretending I am someone else. But I live with my thoughts within me. I don't seem to find the ability to verbalize them so here they are. I can 'write' them better than I talk.
So I don't think I could find someone that would be able to make me 'TALK'.

But yesterday was a brilliant night. Words just spilled and I don't even seem to realize that am I talking too much? There were mini moments I wish I have better words to phrase my sentences but they came out too quickly, too easily.

I think he just make me reveal a different side of me that is rarely seem(that I don't even recognized myself) effortlessly.
We covered about relationships, families, life, fears, future..I don't know. He is definitely better with his words than me and I don't know if I ever look daft in front of him.
Even if I am, he would be kind enough to never exposed me.

Anyway John took a step that most of us wouldn't took, in his career. It is a career that it took really a lot of courage, will power, faith and blah blah de blah to work on it. .
He was definitely drawing a comfortable salary (I think) but he took a step to make the change. That is definitely gonna challenge a lot of things in his life and he is brave enough to admit his fears in front of me.

I can only relate to my dear friend - Yuanpin for the choice that John made. I remember Yuanpin's unshakable faith for the choice he made for his career.
Of cos' it would be a lil' over-idealizing to think everyone would be able to make a living based on faith for a job. But what I am talking about here is the 'step'.
You certainly don't think it is easy in the first place to make that decision.

Whether it works out or not, it made a difference already.

Anyway John needs not worry about 'tainting' the impression he left on me. Cos' it is all the same and it gets better.

A person like him, hard to come by.
A friend like him, more than words.

When would comes another day/night whereby I can talk like that? Even if never, last night was good enough. Good enough.

For you, John. =)